The Dilemma is Whether Or Not To Stay For The Entire Film!

The Dilemma (2011)

• Starring: Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Jennifer Connelly, Channing Tatum, Queen Latifah
• Director: Ron Howard

What was Ron Howard thinking?   Couldn't he see that to make or not make the movie WAS The Dilemma?  I can't imagine reading this unimaginative script and saying to myself "Gee, this is a clever and creative movie which I feel compelled to make".  Of  course, Ron Howard hasn't been as stellar with his last few releases (DaVinci Code, Angels and Demons) as he was some years back, and I'm sure he doesn't need the money....so why?  Inquiring minds want to know.

The Dilemma is a buddy dramedy about business partners and long-time friends Ronny (Vince Vaughn) and Nick (Kevin James).  Ronny accidentally witnesses Nick's wife Geneva (Winona Ryder) cheating with a younger man, and the whole rest of the movie is about his difficulty in telling Nick about his wife's infidelity.  We, the audience, are practically screaming out loud "Just Tell Him".  But Ronny doesn't because a) him and Nick have just entered into a stressful major development deal with a car manufacturer, b) Nick already has ulcers and c) Nick keeps sidelining and distracting Ronny with reprimands for not proposing to his girlfriend Beth (Jennifer Connelly).  

So many things feel ackward in The Dilemma.   Like, Ronny and Nick having hot women!  .....not likely.   Ronny plays amateur sleuth, investigating what's really going on in Geneva and Nick's private lives, even shadowing Nick on trains and through shadowy streets.  And Ronny has this past gambling addiction.....a poor script band-aid to explain away so much strange behavior, right?  Queen Latifah is their liaison for the car company and all she talks about is sporting "Lady Wood" at every turn.  Channing Tatum is the young man with whom Geneva is cheating, and although he does a commendable job with this small but whacky role, nothing he does makes sense either.  And when are Vince Vaughn and Kevin James going to bring us different characters than their one-note Charlies?

When things have finally gotten so weird that both the movie characters and the studio audience are uncomfortable, the truth comes out, and things just get worse and worse.  And by now we wish we had left 50 minutes ago while we still had our dignity.  If asked to see this movie, just say "no"...that's what I'm saying. 

It Stinks (A horrible waste of time )

Seasonings of the Witch....Recipes for a Medieval BBQ?

SEASON OF THE WITCH (2011)

• Starring: Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Stephen Campbell Moore, Ulrich Thomsen, Stephen Graham, Christopher Lee, Claire Foy
• Director: Dominic Sena

How long will it be before Nicolas Cage fans wake up and realize he is only doing it for the money?  Or til Nic picks better projects for himself?  Not that he overacted, looked overly concerned or postured any more than usual in this medieval religious occult supernatural adventure feature.  But maybe Season of The Witch should have been a direct to DVD release....and I'm sure if they had not spent so much money it would have been.  

Starts off exciting enough; some witches are hung and then drowned in the river while the priest attempts to recite some latin poetry that would quiet their witchy souls forever.   Until one of them magically leaps up and the games begin.  

Flash forward to an almost humerous montage of Nicolas and sidekick Ron Perlman as 14th century knights on the holy crusade.  They 'Rambo' and 'Terminator' the 'infidels' and then always end up drinking and womanizing in the pubs, as all good Christians should do after a hard day's killing, right?.  That is until they suddenly, like, after 12 years, get a conscience and split, defect, run away, quit that old Church's army.  

Sneaking back into old England back then wasn't as easy as one might think and the two are busted in town, in a stable of all places, and coerced by the Church to go on a dangerous mission (hey, they had a choice..... mission or die by hanging and/or burning).  They are enlisted to escort a young woman (Claire Foy), suspected of being a witch and for bringing the Plague to Europe, to a church 6 days hard journey away where she is to get a fair trial.  Yeah, right....fair trial for the Plague-causer.


Christopher Lee has a cameo as the Cardinal 'plagued' by the disease himself, with grossly disfigured face, who dispenses of the two deserters on their mission of doom.

The rest of the movie is just basically an anti-climatic mediocre medieval road trip; not even near as entertaining as Shrek and Donkey on the road.  Stupid stuff keeps happening, like a pack of wolves, dead bodies in pits, and a couple of the crew die.  Duh!


We are hoping to see some type of redemption in Nicolas Cage.  But, alas, not even the momentary appearance of (SPOILER ALERT!) a demon, who looks like he came out of the movie Alien, dispelling the notion that the girl was a witch, but validating that there is good and evil, does anything to bring Nicolas back closer to God or the church before he meets his end (Hey, I said SPOILER ALERT didn't I?).

Let's just say a few Ron Perlman one-liners keep us awake, but some so-so CG effects and no get-up-and-go leave us wishing we could have our 2 hours back.  Or see this movie burn at the stake.

Loaf of Bread: a so-so mediocre movie